Thank you Ms. C

Since DS #1 was diagnosed twice exceptional (very superior intellect and severe phonological processing disorder/dyslexia) almost 3 years ago, I've had to step back and really think about my views on education.  I've had to challenge myself about what parts of it are really important and determine if my assumptions about education are right for my son.  It has been a struggle to try and navigate for DS #1 what is most important when it comes to schooling.  It has really come to a head since moving here, as we are navigating the private school system and searching for the place that is best for him, for his education and for his mental health.

I've always loved Robert Fulgham's book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.  Fulgham was right.  But, I reflected, there must have been other really important things that I learned that happened after kindergarten. 

I can honestly say I haven't used any of my algebra or calculus.  I'm still a lousy speller, but spell check takes care of that.  I have trouble recalling my times tables and still don't do math in my head very well, but give me a pencil and paper and I'm good.  I may have used my high school biology to continue on to university and take biochem and microbiology there, but in the jobs I have had, I haven't needed it. 

So, after all this introspection and self reflection what have I come up with?  Sometimes, it's not the subjects that educators think are important that really are over time and sometimes, it's as much the teacher as it is the subject.

Ms. C was one of my high school teachers.  She didn't teach an "important" subject like math, science or english.  She taught an elective, and an elective that was becoming less and less popular as girls became more and more focused on professions and careers.  It was seen as unimportant in an age of budgets cuts.  As much as I have continued to use and will continue to use the skills she taught me on regular basis, she also taught me some life lessons that didn't mean much to me in high school, but have become exponentially more important as time has gone on.  Ms. C was my sewing teacher. 

I can honestly say that since graduating from her class in high school I have never sewn another welt pocket or business suit, but I did sew the majority of my kids sleepers, blankets and spit cloths.  I have sewn many of the curtains and sewable decor in all of our homes.  I even sewed my bridesmaids dresses and my bridal veil.  I got my serger back in high school when I was in her class and was loath to part with it when we moved here, but it wouldn't have worked well with the different voltage. 

I still tailor tack all of my patterns before I start sewing. When I feel like leaving those threads at the beginning or end of a seam, because no one is going to see them anyway, a little voice inside my head asks "What would Ms. C say?"  Then I cut them off nice and close.

Ms. C has, without question, enabled me to save more money and feel a greater sense of accomplishment and pride than any other teacher from pre-school to university.  In my effort to make this house in South Africa a home, she constantly comes to mind as I measure and stitch my curtains.   With the skills I learned from her I was able to say "sure honey I can make you a dress", when DD fell in love with a butterfly fabric at the shop we got her curtain material.

There was more to Ms. C though.  At a time when hormones were high and popularity with boys was of the highest importance, she was unmarried.  A successful, tough, but fair, career oriented lady who was not married.  I don't know that I thought about it much at the time. I have no idea why she wasn't married, it doesn't matter really, but I know that it made an impression on me.  She was successful and seemed happy without a husband.  Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that I have DH, he's fantastic and I don't know what I'd do without him to share my life, but going through school I never needed a boyfriend to be successful, it was nice to have one, but I didn't have to have one all the time, there were other things that were more important and a man didn't define me.

Then there was the time a student in our class was hospitalized.  No one said it out loud because of the stigma attached to her diagnosis, but we all knew privately that she was admitted to try and manage her anorexia.  Ms. C. didn't address it directly, but what she did say resonated with me.  Here is the way I remember it.  She said "Girls, when you stand looking at yourself in a mirror, if your belly sticks out past your boobs you're in trouble.  If it doesn't, your just fine."  She made it so matter of fact and so simple.  No BMI, no scale measurements, no technical jargon about build and bone density or percentage of body fat.  No mention of boys or body image or self esteem.  Nope, just a mirror and yourself.  25 years on and it's still just me and the mirror and Ms. C's wisdom running through my head. 

There were a lot of kids who thought she was too tough and too picky.  That she expected too much from us.  They questioned what was so bad about one little thread that wasn't cut just so?  To me she was fair, she was honest and she didn't expect any more from me than I should have been expecting from myself.   She taught me that it wasn't the fact that no one else would see the thread, but that I would know it was there and that over time it might just cause the seam to unravel.

So, thank you Ms. C.  I've never been able to tell you in person how important your lessons have been in my life.  How they have helped me make houses into homes.  Helped me to clothe my children.  Helped me to  look in the mirror, smile at your wisdom and feel okay.  When this new culture I'm in makes it so easy to hire someone else to do things for me, I remember to appreciate the value, both financial and emotional, of doing some things for myself. 

Your lessons have touched every aspect of my life through the years and some day when DD is old enough, I will stand her in the mirror and tell her, "When your belly sticks out past your boobs you're in trouble, but until then you're good the way that you are."

I'll let DS #2 know it's not about clipping the thread and finishing things you start, but how you feel about yourself and the possible consequences if you don't finish.

And when DS #1 is struggling and feeling like a failure because school is so hard, I will say a prayer that some day he will have a teacher that resonates with him as much as you did with me.  Because in the end it doesn't matter how many degrees or diploma's you have, it's just you and the mirror.

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