It's not my house.

Right.  Let's take a break from the touristy stuff for a post or two and get back to the nitty gritty of moving half way around the world. 

I have never rented before.  I don't count University residence as renting.  I moved from my parents home directly into a house that dh and I had purchased just before the wedding and then we upgraded to a bigger place once the children came.  I have always had a say in how things are done and who does them.  I have been able to turn my house into my home, whether it was my room at my parents or in my own house.  I've been able to upgrade or not depending on our bottom line and generally, whatever I did increased the value of our home, so it was money well spent and it made the house more mine.

This is not my house.  This is a rental and it's not even my name on the lease.  It's a great house, we picked it and I love it, mostly.  The house was a vacation property for the owner and they hadn't used it in almost 3 years when we moved in.  Kind of nice to have a mostly brand new home but there are things that weren't done and noticed without someone living here. 

If you know me, you know that I am a go getter.  That I am not a sit back and wait kind of person. I have been in PE for 6 weeks now.  By 4 weeks in I was a cub scout leader.  I knew many of the staff at the school by first name.  I had offered to help with the school production of Pinocchio.  I joined SAALED (South African Association for Learning and Educational Differences) and attended their congress in central PE.  I'll be volunteering in the grade 1 class beginning in July because the grade one teacher wants to pick my brain about all my volunteer time in Canada.  I've spoken to the volunteer coordinator at the local animal shelter and am waiting until I have some free time to spend a morning a week at the shelter helping out where I can.  That's on top of all the laundry, taxiing, tutoring, grocery shopping, a new blog and various other tasks of a mother of 3.  Patience is not one of my strengths.

So, here's my problem. How do I make a house that's not mine a  home that is?  I can't go and get the things that are needed for this house.  It's not up to me.  We have a lease and a property manager, who has to clear everything with the owner.  Then a contractor needs to show up and assess, then write a quote.  Then the quote needs to be submitted to the property manager who then has to clear it with the owner.  Then we have to wait until the contractor has time to show up and fix the problem.  Meanwhile, there is a colony of ants inhabiting the broadloom in DS#1's bedroom, and the paint is peeling from the walls due to water damage.  Neither of these or the other little things on my list of deficiencies is life threatening.  It doesn't make the house unlivable, but I can't put curtains up in ds #1's room because the screw holding up the curtain rod rusted through from the water damage.  There is no point in putting up artwork or kids photos if it's not painted. 

If I hire someone to fix something on my own, like the ant problem, and the carpets get damaged or something untoward happens, technically, I am not responsible. It isn't my name on the lease,  but the company becomes responsible and obviously I can't let that happen.  If I upgrade the gardens or curtains, it may be adding value to the house, but it's not my value.  It's not my house, but it has to be my home for the next 2 - 4 years.

So I am struggling to come to some kind of compromise between my go getter self and the reality of my situation.  How do I balance making it a comfortable home for my family without making too many changes to the house.   The place will be painted, eventually, when the water damage is fixed. The company had offered to do that before I found the damage, as the walls have nail holes and such from the previous owners.  I've even picked out the paint.  It will be lovely, someday, sigh.

I waffle back and forth from day to day on decisions like; Do I really want to replace the 8 panels of fully lined orange drapes in the open concept living area or can I live with them?  Do I replace the weed field in the backyard and re-sod or seed?  Could I live with my environmental self if I followed the advice of the garden service guy and use a broad leaf herbicide to kill all the weeds and give the lawn room to grow?   

I've always said that home is where our family of 5 (and dog) is. I must believe that or I never would have agreed to this move. Still, in the end I want to live in a home that I can be proud of, that I can invite family and friends to visit and they will know that it is my home, not just a house that we live in.

It's not my house, but I hope someday (soon) it will feel like my home.

Next Post - Things that I miss and never thought I would. (The B's)