I miss work

Yup, I do. 

I have worked for a long time.  First with paper routes, then at 16 with real jobs, like a deli clerk and clothing store salesperson. At 18, I found a position at a Centre for Community Living. All the way through university I worked there.  When I graduated university and full time jobs in my field were scarce I took a full time job at Community Living so I could be employed out of my profession rather than unemployed in it.  I eventually found a job in Toronto in my field, but it took a while.

The most frightening time of my life was a 3 month stint of unemployment.  I had accepted a job in Mississauga which was closer to our new home and resigned at my job in Toronto.  The Mississauga job fell through.  I interviewed for another position just before I left the Toronto job, but it took 2 months for them to get back to me and another month before I could start.

I did not do well with unemployment, even though I had employment insurance benefits, I had no security.  This was just 6 months before dh and I got married. I'm quite certain my head started to spin, Exorcist like, during that 3 months and dh didn't run away screaming.  Instead, he met me at the alter.  Definitely the kind of man I could stay with through any challenge or adventure.

When dh found out about this move I knew that I would have to leave my job. My stint with unemployment had been almost 15 years earlier and I worried what leaving work was going to do to me.  Would my head start spinning again?  How would I feel to be completely financially dependant on someone else? We were talking 2-4 years of unemployment, not just 3 months.  It worried me.

I had 2 jobs, really.  I worked part time on weekends in a professional capacity and looked after my DD's best friend while her mom worked part time during the week.  It was with a heavy heart I let DD's friends mom know she would need to find someone else to take care of her daughter.  To be honest, resigning from my weekend job was less heavy hearted. Still, after almost 9 years in the same job, I was shedding off my security blanket. 

Before we left, my life was filled with moving, selling, cleaning, filling in forms and attending appointments. We squeezed in visits to family and friends that we wouldn't see for 2-4 years. It was a full time job to co-ordinate this move.  Factor in a week away, in your soon to be home country, and 3 months flies by pretty darn quick. I didn't have time to miss work back then,  I was too busy to notice.

While all this was going on, I was reading A Broad Abroad: The Expat Wife's Guide to Successful Living Abroad by Robin Pascoe.  Robin is a Canadian journalist, married to a Canadian diplomat and she has moved many times.  Robin described an expat spouse as being an interdependent.  I didn't quite believe it at first, but over time it has made sense.  Dh could never have managed to coordinate this transfer, while working full time, without me.  So no, I'm not contributing financially, but this transfer never could have happened I hadn't been there to manage it.  So, I am not a dependant, but dh and I are interdependent and it suits, for now.
Now that I'm here and the craziness has calmed down there is one more thing that I miss.  Back at home the weekend job was a breath of fresh air.  It got me out with adults and totally away from all things kids.  I had to focus on the job and it gave my mind a break from motherhood.  My colleagues were women that I could talk to, laugh with, bellyache to and count on when things got crazy on the job.  It was a stellar group of women, especially M who was there with me the longest and shared my fondness for books and musical theatre.

So, I miss work.  I miss the security.  I miss the independence.  Most of all, I miss the break from being mommy even if it was only part time.

Next post - Introducing Timbit