When you hear that you're going to be moving half way around the world there are certain things that you know. You know it's going to be an adventure. You know there are going to be challenges. You know that there are going to be things that you miss, especially family.
I've heard that every relationship has a honeymoon period. A period of excitement and discovery. A period of settling and adjustment. The same can be said for this adventure.
When we first arrived it was pure excitement. Lots of new things to see and experience. Never knowing what was behind the next corner.
It went on like this for months, the adrenaline rush. With technologies like Skype and the telephone in a lot of ways I never felt that far away. The kids are still able to show babcia and dziadziu (grandma and grandpa in Polish) their artwork from school or their newest treasures from our adventures. They could show off the shell they picked up at the beach or the new curtains in their rooms. We talk to grandma on the phone every Sunday.
We've kept family present by eating Eggs McUncle L several times a week and the guest room is babcia and dziadziu's room. There are photos of family and friends around the house and we remember everyone in our prayers each night. The boys each have their own email accounts to keep in touch with friends.
Somehow, I was coasting along, managing until the middle of September. And then it hit me.
Back in the fall of 2010 my cousin got engaged. We were all thrilled for her. Her fiance (now husband) is a gem. Fits right into our family. The first time we met, he got a brief handshake of introduction, but by the end of the visit it was bear hugs from everyone. When the engagement was announced dh and I had just returned from Germany. Dh had been at a company meeting of his global team and I had tagged along. The next global team meeting was tentatively scheduled to be held in South Africa. So we joked with them that dh may not be able to attend as he might be in South Africa. My cousin and her fiance said, if the opportunity presented itself that I might as well skip the wedding to go with him. I told them I would never miss their wedding for a trip. Turns out I was wrong.
First, I missed the wedding shower, but I worked out a gift with my mom. I wrote a letter to my cousin and her fiance with product placements for the gift portion. I did a voice recording and I sent it back home so it could be my voice reading the letter with mom presenting each of the gifts. It was as close as I could get to being there. With Skype calls both before and after the shower I didn't feel too far away.
The wedding was a different story. I promised mom I'd send a note via email to be read at the wedding in our absence. Then I started to write the note or tried at least. There was so much that I wanted to say, but I just couldn't get the words onto the screen. The time when mom and dad left to travel to the wedding came and went and no email. I checked into sending a telegram, but that wouldn't have made it in time either. So when the words finally came it was the morning of the wedding. In a last ditch effort to "get it to the church on time" as they say, I sent my message to the reception hall, desperately hoping that they would check their email on a Saturday. I sent it urgent with a request for a delivery receipt and read receipt, but I never got confirmation of either. For the 2 days it took, until mom sent an email that the message had arrived in time for the wedding, I was feeling homesick and sorry for myself.
Somehow, until the wedding I had never really felt that far away from home. As the wedding came and went, I found myself thinking about my grandparents. 3 of my 4 grandparents emigrated to Canada from Poland back in the 1920's and 1930's. They left their homes and families to forge a better life. They arrived with nothing. They did not speak the language. They had no friends, no support, no jobs. They only had a dream, determination and a strong work ethic. Communication with family was by letter mail, sent by ship, taking months to arrive. If I recall correctly each of them only visited Poland once in all of the decades that they lived in Canada. Why did they feel the need to leave their home? Why did they leave everything they knew behind? It think they wanted a better life, not only for themselves, but for future generations. They wanted the opportunity to do better and to enrich their lives.
Our situation is different. We came to South Africa for a job, spoke the language, arrived with all of the things that were important for us to bring, all of the things that we would need. We have the benefit of telephones and Skype. Our communication with our family can be instantaneous. We know that we will be going home, both during our assignment and at the end.
Would I have had the courage to do what they did? Nope. But, thanks to them I have been given a different kind of opportunity. So, in the future, when I miss out on some family event or start to get homesick, instead of feeling sad or sorry for myself, I will remember them and be thankful.
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